Random Acts of Blogness

The Return of Randomness

A return to bloggage was inevitable.  It was just a matter of sitting down and doing it.  I have no idea if anyone even reads these but I’ve kind of missed sharing my daily randomness with the world.  It was brought to my attention today that I’m so different than so many because I do share essentially every single thing in my life with the world.  For so long I’ve viewed that aspect of my life as a bad thing.  But no more!  I think it’s what makes me unique and I’m excited to be unique.  I think (or I’ve been told) that it’s inspiring in some ways for some people to see that I just throw it all out there and simply don’t care (or mostly don’t even really realize) that people judge it, interpret it differently than I meant it, etc.

I’m a sharer!  It’s just who I am (amongst a gazillion other things).  It has to serve some sort of purpose at some point in my life…….I just haven’t quite figured out how yet!

Moving on….let’s get back to business!  Who’s missed me?

Quote of the day:  God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.
Garrison Keillor

Song of the Day:     Human – Natalie Grant

Person of the Day:  Jesse James – the sweetest little old man from my church

Product of the Day:  Mechanical Pencils – I don’t know how I would live without them and I don’t know what my obsession with them is.

Drumroll please…….here come the thoughts:

–          The secret to a long, healthy, happy life is a good bowel movement.  I read this today and a year ago would’ve been mortified to even type it and put it on my blog.  The older I get and after my surgery last year, I’ve lost more than what little modesty I had left.  The above statement is more true than I could ever tell you and I’m convinced it’s the beginning of the answer to world peace.

I’ve noticed recently that I say one thing….and the way I hear it sounds one way but the way other people take it is totally different.  I think this would be a good blog so stay tuned for the “Here’s what people think, here’s what I really mean and how it really is” blog….don’t let me forget!

We all know I have an addiction to Facebook like no other.  I’ve noticed some things that some need to improve on and have decided that since I have deemed myself an expert….you all must be dying for my expert opinion right?  Today’s lesson:  Stay with the subject people.  If someone updates their status (whether you agree with it or not) with something such as “life blows, worst day ever” or “I’m so in love that I could explode”……PLEASE do not comment on that post if your comment has nothing to do with the subject the person posted about (i.e. posting something to the effect of “hey, did you get those tickets I sent you”).  Your completely separate subject thought belongs in a completely different place…such as it’s own post or even better most of the time, a private message to that person.  Your cooperation in this would be most appreciated.

The Jersey Shore – I’ve promised to watch one episode of this disaster.  I’m letting you vote on which one to watch.  You have until Friday to get your votes in.  I’m reserving the right to take a whole blog on this one topic though.  I refuse to be hypnotized by this show like so many!

I love love love love the website iamsecond.com!!!  My particular favs are the Anne Rice video, the guy from Korn, Tony Dungee and the couple that overcame an affair….OH AND the 10 year old little girl.

I’m crazy.  I get it.  All women are….you just gotta find your kind of crazy.  Anyway (that’s a soap box I wouldn’t get off of if I started)……I am not however psycho.  I’m way too fat for that.  It’s the skinny girls you gotta worry about in that area.  Those chicks are just hungry and we all know that will push any girl clean over. Just sayin…..it’s definitely a valid theory.

In watching the summer shows on hulu.com….and by summer shows I mean real ones with real actors and such…..I have decided that I’m more than qualified at this point to solve any mystery, murder, etc.  So, pass my name around, feel free to contact me for any help you may need.  I have learned so much from Psych, Burn Notice, Rookie Blue and Lie to Me.  Which is also another reason I should be bigger than Oprah someday.  I mean really, I have everything she has…..AND I can fight crime!!!

Have you ever ridden in a car with air conditioned seats?  Well I did recently and you know what it felt like?  Like I peed my pants….the whole time!

I can’t remember if I’ve said this before or not, but it definitely can’t be noted enough.  I am more than convinced that a lady’s underarm hair grows exponentially faster than any other hair on her body.  It’s going on the list of questions to ask the Creator about provided I make it to Heaven.

I’ve also said this before on Facebook and feel it’s worth repeating for anyone who might be reading this without access to my facebook randomness…..If you got it, flaunt it.  If you don’t got it, cinch it up/tuck it in/cover it up…and the throw some accessories on it.  Even a plain Christmas tree has a big bottom and looks better with a little ribbon and lights !

Am I the only person on the planet who sucks on a blow pop, tries to get as much gum as possible out of it, only to get a little and swallow that within 20 seconds of finally getting to it?

I’ve taken for granted how strong the women in my family are and how much of that has been instilled in me.  Just add this to the list of things I need to apologize to my mom for not recognizing earlier….along with the fact that she was right about nothing good going on after your curfew that you need to be involved with any way.  And while we’re apologizing, Mom, I’m sorry that I EVER made a comment, or joke about your hormone pills and how crazy you were….living without a uterus is no joke.

Speaking of living without a uterus…..I’ve observed some things that might have actually been good about it for me.  The more I hear about the birthing process, the less I want anything to do with it.  Physically speaking and from a logistics stand point, it is not that far from the belly button (or the general area the baby is housed in) to the exit area (otherwise known as your vajayjay)….so please tell me how it makes any sense at all that it takes so stinking long for those critters to travel that distance.

If you’ve never had a hot flash, don’t you dare for one second even remotely judge a woman who is having one.  Your only job/mission/purpose in life if you are near someone who is having one is to find whatever method you can to cool her off.  This would be part two of the answer to world peace (closely following part one listed at the beginning of this nonsense blog)

I cannot stand orange juice with pulp in it.  It should be outlawed.  Our next political scandal lies deep within the pulp….trust me on this one.

Don’t ask how it happened, but I got my key stuck in my earring tonight while getting out of my car.  The walk up the stairs after that went downhill.  It is embarrassing how much time it took me to figure out that I should probably try to take the earring out of my ear and dislodge the key from that stand point versus nearly ripping my ear lobe off.  This kind of genius doesn’t come along every day people.

I live for the Dorrito crumbs at the bottom of the bag.  That’s definitely where the cheesiest ones are.  And I refuse to lick/wipe my fingers until I’ve eaten the whole bag.  There is just something about licking all that cheesy goodness off your fingers at the end that makes life bearable sometimes.

I’ve started working in a retail clothing store.  I want to blog about that alone but know that it’s completely unprofessional.  Is it worth it to share with you the amazingly good thoughts I’ve had during my time there????  You decide.

It is very hard for me to watch tv when the characters on the screen need to brush their hair.  Unbrushed hair is probably one of the top three things that will distract me and cause me to lose all focus when I’m corresponding with someone.

I was recently in Jackson, MS for a Relay for Life Leadership Summit.  There were people from Louisiana, Mississippi and Arkansas there.  Put that many people with that much twang in a hotel ballroom and see how much you understand……

And last but not least for the night, please note this……If you’re standing on the outside of my messy life looking in and you’re tempted to judge, how about you grab a broom or some windex instead and help clean

This semi-uneventful return to blogging brought to you by my tired and cranky self!  Cut me some slack….

PLTD