Crap Storm ahead (with a side of Geritol)

I wanted to have a catchy title for this hodge podge of randomness but I just didn’t have it in me.  There is just too much for you to catch up on.  To make it through this you’re going to have to be committed folks : – )

Although I have a list of actual themed things to “speak on”……you’re gonna need some tidbits of what’s been going on so that when I actually get to real writing (which I promise to do soon), you’ll be able to sort of understand what’s going on.  Oh, who am I kidding?  It’s next to impossible to ever understand what’s going on with me!

Anyway, let’s get started!

-Target (as in the store)…..last summer I bought a FABULOUS pair of denim capris at your store.  We’ll say (for story telling purposes) that they were a size 6 (you know I think every woman is a size 6, some of us just look different than others in that size).  Anyway.  These are quite possibly my second favorite pants (sorry, they just didn’t make it to number one.  It’s hard to be a great pair of glittered Seven jeans that fit so comfortably all while allowing me to shine).  I go back this summer in anticipation to get another pair just like them.  As I anxiously arrive to the section where these beuts are housed…I start digging for my size. SCORE, there are three pair.  I take them to the fitting room, just to make sure everything is “good to go”.  This is where it gets bad.  I bought the EXACT same pants, in the EXACT same size as last year.  I’m wearing the EXACT same pants in the store.  They still fit, just fine actually.  BUT THE NEW PAIR DOESN’T??????  How could this possibly be?  Ok, maybe I grabbed the wrong pair.  Let me go get the other two which are sure to fit.  NO, THEY DON’T FIT EITHER.  How is this possible?  There is not a scientist on the planet that could explain this and make me happy right now.  What have I learned from this?  That the saying “if it fits, buy it in every color” is definitely something to live by

-I’m THRILLED at the fact that the cable man came to the new place to hook me up just in time for my favorite summer shows (Drop Dead Diva and Rookie Blue).  I’m seriously happier than I can stand.  However, in “browsing” the channels (and by browsing, I mean pretty much camping out on the couch and watching endless hours of reality shows)…..I’m disappointed in TV as a whole these days.  I spend more time changing the channel and literally talking to the TV out loud about how stupid the show is I was watching than I do on an actual channel.  Get some substance people.  Give me something good……like How It’s Made…or, even better, my own show.  Yeah, that’s it….I will solve all the boring TV problems if I could just have my own show.  Because the last ten dates I have are all substance and would make great TV (NOT!!!)  Expect at least three random TV notes in every future blog.  (like how much I hate the new Febreeze commercial and how the lady on the couch in a dress needs to close her legs)

-Recently in unpacking at my new place I found the following items.  The list alone is random enough that I don’t think it needs any further commentary.

1- Inflatable Flamingo       1-Bra decorated in zebra print and feathers (from the support the girls event I went to last year)      1- bottle of geritol (I have no idea where this came from)    2,000 (not that many but it felt like it) beaded necklaces (as in mardi gras beads)…yet I’ve never been to Mardi Gras   1- happy hysterectomy box full of funny notes and cards from my surgery……

So, what did I do with all this stuff you ask?  I kept it : – )

-Latest and greatest quote I found?  On a little platter a friend bought me it says “Never met a chocolate I didn’t like”

-Newest theme song (you all know how I love them):  Safe Britt Nicole, it was written about me, hands down

-I only thought my ex mother-in-law was satan.  She has been relieved of those duties as I met her match today.  Actually, I wouldn’t relieve her completely.  I will just say that I now believe that just like Jesus sends us Angels on Earth…Satan does the same.  I’m just not sure what we should call them.

-Survey:  The last two times I’ve been to sonic just to order drinks, they haven’t offered me anything extra.  Technically this qualifies me for a $2.00 coupon per their little card attached to the speaker.  BUT…since it usually annoys me for them to ask and I wouldn’t want anything if they did offer….should I even demand a coupon?  Thoughts?  (update:  since this was written, I have since learned that some Sonics have changed to soft peppermints, which I hate…..so I have decided that I’m completely justified in asking for my coupon)

We will now transition into Dating updates:

In the past 7 days the following has happened to me in the dating world:

I met a British man who didn’t want to meet me for two weeks (he says this on a Wednesday) but then the next day decides to come take me to dinner.  I choose Mellow mushroom right down the road from my office as it was easy to find for someone driving from Joplin, and since he had previously mentioned how nervous he was, I thought it would provide a casual atmosphere.  The restaurant was loud (he brought this to my attention MULTIPLE times)…I offered to go somewhere else, he said no.  We had the most normal convo from there.  After dinner, he wants to go somewhere quieter, have coffee.  From the Mellow Mushroom to Starbucks (not even 2 miles) this guy decides that he has since changed his mind about visiting with me and wants to go home.  He then proceeds to talk for the next 5 minutes without making a complete sentence while I sat silent (true story) wondering WHAT ON EARTH is happening.  He wants to get back on the interstate…so I do what any helpful person would do….and send him in the wrong direction.  : – )   I can’t figure this out  So I text him expressing how rude I think he is and he says “I”ll email you tomorrow, you don’t need my feedback, I’m not the guy for you”.  The next day, he follows up with an email explaining how he felt like I snarled my nose at him when he told me he was a smoker (we had a conversation about how my dad was a smoker and I was sensitive to the issue) and that although smoking may be hurtful…if I didn’t hit a few more salads and treadmill, I was going to be right there with him.  (I have the email, this really happened)  He also states that I have one of the most beautiful face of ANY woman he’s ever seen (he capitalized the any, not me) and that I had the eyes/face of a “naughty angel” whatever that means.   Two days later he apologizes profusely via text, tells me he’s going back to the UK and that I could make a Scotsman melt from fifty yards.  He also feels like I wouldn’t give him a second chance but that everyone has bad days, even on first dates.

In the midst of that happening, the following also took place over the last 7 days

A guy I had real interest in and had hung out with twice…..texts me to ask what I’m doing for the evening.  I say “not sure hanging out at a friends bbq I think, you?”  his response (I’m sure the suspense is killing you)…..”I guess I’m playing with myself “…  You might say “oh alicia, you’re interpreting that wrong”….and I would ALMOST agree with you.  Except for the fact that this same guy weeks earlier asked me to text him a pic of “the girls”…I say “I’m not with any girls, I’m watching tv at home alone”….yeah, he didn’t mean real girls.  MOVING ON.

I will spare you the details of the rest of the weekend, but I will tell you that I found myself saying multiple times “alicia, if you’re good enough for them to make out with, you’re good enough for them to date”…..WHAT IS THIS DATING WORLD COMING TO?  How do I find these people?  NO JUDGING OR COMMENTING ALLOWED….that was not a real question.

LASTLY (aren’t you glad we finally made it here)…….What’s your favorite Alicia story?  That’s right, I’m seriously perusing writing a book.  I just am not sure where to start…..or what it should consist of…..your ideas are welcome.

So, I got a little wordy this go round : – ) it had to be done.  You should be somewhat caught up and the next few (provided I actually keep up with this on a regular basis for a minute) should be less torturous.

P L T D folks

Published by Fancy Pants

🦄Jubilant 🙌🏻Showered in grace 👑Forgiven 👗Seeker of awesome outfits to sport

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