Looking back on 2011……
What did I learn from 2011? I thought you’d never ask! I wanted to do it in 2011 words in the spirit of a theme and all, but let’s just be realistic. Everyone knows I can’t do that!
– I had never done any kind of fasting before. But for 21 days in Jan I did a Daniel fast. Let me just tell you that without a doubt, January and early February were the absolute best months of MY ENTIRE LIFE. Things finally started going in the direction I had always wanted them to go. I FINALLY “arrived….more details in other points
– Feb: I completed a half marathon in New Orleans to benefit the American Cancer Society in memory of my dad. I did not prepare the way I should have by any means……but at least once in your life, you should do something this big and challenging. What I learned is that you should do it for you. I was bitter about some of the things in the process at first (nobody could go watch – thankfully a sweet friend came in and tagged along)…but, in the end I gained a reconnection with a high school friend whom I adore, and I realized that all along, it was meant to be done “by myself”. Nobody ran with me, I was by myself so to speak for most of the race. Nobody was there when I crossed the finish. But, that’s how it was supposed to be. I needed that journey more than I ever knew. I needed to do it by myself. There is no exaggeration when I tell you that I felt like I could conquer the world for quite some time after. A challenge like that is absolute mental warfare. It was a breaking point in my life that I had no idea was even missing. Every time I have a blah day or think I can’t do something, I think about that time………I only want to get better from here.
– March: In the spirit of feeling amazing….I continued through March and celebrated another great Aliciapalooza!!! Highlights included the fact that one of my guy friends rubbed a temp tattoo on me, it was videoed and posted on fb…….and all that my mom cared about was “is he coming home with you for Easter”! Not that he was rubbing me, or that there was more alcohol on our table than a liquor store…….priorities….Yell County style
– April: Man, did this month have a curve ball or two. Still living off the confidence fuel from Feb…..I started interviewing for a job I was recruited for in March. Interviews had begun but then everything came to a standstill. Finally, I got the job and began April 25th. Talk about a confidence booster! I sold myself and a company bought it! I felt held back at my previous job and sometimes was made to feel that I would never “be anything” other than where I was and was lucky to have that job. Not encouraging at all. But alas, I moved on and it has been the closest I’ve ever been to my dream job. Although it’s proven more than challenging, I have enjoyed every second of it. Great things are to come!
– I moved three times in 2011. I’m over it. I hate it. I have too much stuff.
– I learned more than ever that having a core group of friends outweighs a hundred sorts of friends any day of the week. I have a ton of work to do at being a better friend to that core group….but man; I’m a lucky girl to have them.
– At the same time that I had the above friend revelation, I unfortunately had to accept that I can’t be friends with everyone. And I guess that’s ok too. People I thought were my friends, are either just too busy for me or just clearly not in the mood to be my friend. I guess in a way they showed me the “some people are in your life for a season” saying that some people believe in.
– I am misunderstood. That statement alone could formulate another entire blog. But….sometimes it hurts more than I’ll ever admit. If I am your friend, I’m genuinely your friend. And when I check on you, try to help you, etc, I give all of me to that action. When it doesn’t seem received or given back or blown off….that hurts….just as bad as it did in elementary school when the same thing happened on a lesser level. Anyway, overall I deal with it and move on. But there are a few stragglers out there that have hurt a little deeper than others. Sadly, I’m also very stubborn and once I put them outside the heart, they don’t usually get back in.
– I should come with a disclaimer. I might as well carry a folder of them around with me and hand them out upon meeting anyone new. It should say something to the effect that I’m a lot to handle; quite overwhelming at first actually and the excitedness I exude over meeting new people should probably be against the law. I will blow up your phone, want to hang out with you every spare second, and might even suggest best friend tattoos. This will frighten most and run them off with thoughts of “that girl is crazy” and such. It’s ok. Just ride it out. All that will die down in a couple of months and you’ll settle into liking me. It’s a true fact that has been proven with much research J Unfortunately, some didn’t ride it out and ran for the hills initially and never looked back……..they are just left with thinking I’m a nut job. Eh, whatever. There’s at least 6billion other people who I haven’t met on the planet yet who deserve just as much opportunity as the “hill runners”
– I finally decided to be in charge of myself, for myself. Not to look good enough to land a man or to feel more at ease in a group of “skinny” people…….but for me. So that when I look in the mirror, I have positive thoughts instead of tearing myself down. After being told by a first date that I needed to eat more salads and do more treadmill time (true, very true story)……I found this to be a defining moment. The “old” Alicia would’ve cried for DAYS over it and starved myself to lose a few pounds in an effort to make the next date like me more. The “new” Alicia, replied very kindly that I would NEVER step foot on a treadmill to lose one single pound to please a man or because of someone else’s opinion of me.
– I kept dating. And dating and dating in 2011. And there were just as many bad dates as 2010. But….I also put my guard down and accepted every single date, no matter how good or bad, for exactly the person that they were. No trying to change them hoping that eventually something might work. Any time you do that, you just end up hurting your own feelings essentially. So, I stopped…….and guess what happened? I moved on from bad ones a lot sooner than I would have in the past, I didn’t get as upset as easily or read into something as much as I used to……and so far, I think I might be kind of dating someone for real (the conversation hasn’t been had necessarily but all signs point to dating)…..and I really like him.
– I reconnected. I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with people I grew up with and was around, but never really knew. It’s funny how life works that out sometimes. They have become very dear to me and I think maybe the timing is more perfect than I give it credit for sometimes.
– I discovered and got sucked into Pinterest. I’m a junkie
– I watched the Bachelor even though I swore I wouldn’t
– I ALMOST came to like the Kardashians and once I think I even almost cared about what happened to one of them.
– I grew closer to my mom. We still have a different kind of relationship, but she has blossomed into such a sweet person and I’m so glad I’ve gotten to watch what she is becoming since the dreadful day she was forced to go at it alone from here on out.
– I still didn’t watch Christmas Vacation
– I still didn’t take a vacation to the beach, but I talk about it at least three times a week.
– I had an EPIC night out that topped all nights out before and will be talked about until something in 2012 tops it. I made a COMPLETE jerk out of myself…..but I’m learning that everyone should do that at least once a year anyway.
– I accepted the reality that there are SOME people who actually genuinely like me when I’m really me 100%. I was in denial of this and probably needed some deep therapy for it for so long. I just regret that I never gave people the credit they deserved in the past because I genuinely lived life thinking nobody truly liked me at all. How sad for anyone to ever have to live that way. But how awesome that I’m past it. I will “over tell” everyone I love, how much I love them and how important they are to me from now on.
– I embraced how completely random I am. And I stopped apologizing for it.
– I’m ok that most people think I’m crazy
– I met the devil. In the form of a personal trainer. But after much frustration (him being frustrated with me I’m sure)….I think I finally “get it”. I’m positive he won’t read this, so I will go ahead and say something nice about him J He genuinely cares for his clients and wants us to be the best that we can be. I am positive I gave him fits for the last four months but hope that my hard work and dedication in 2012 will pay off and he’ll see that.
– Family is important. Mine just happens to be dysfunctional. More dysfunctional than 4 families combined. It’s a new avenue for my sisters and I to exist as grownups, without our dad around, and with two little people that we are responsible for keeping alive and off of a pole……..but I think we are getting there. I love them and what they are becoming and hope their 2012 journey is as great as I think mine is going to be. I am different than every single person in my entire family and that’s ok. I also have learned never to go home for a holiday without tequila J I miss my dad more than ever but I think it’s in a different way and I think it’s because I discover how much I am like him. EXACTLY like him!
– I can’t even remember the date, but I had the honor of speaking to a group of young girls from my home town (I would travel and speak professionally if I could)…….it was an awesome experience and made me see that people are watching and some young people actually want to hear what us adults have to say. Through this and the experience I had with HOBY (look it up, great organization)….I came to understand that we really are responsible for our youth, are more influential than we realize and really can make a difference.
– With the above said, I did not say enough about HOBY and how amazing that was in April!
– There is one weekend that stands out in my mind more than any other in 2011 (besides the whole marathon dealio)……I once again don’t remember the date, but my “fake” nieces came up for a weekend to go school clothes shopping before the fall semester began. That night, my 13 year old niece and I sat out on my balcony til 1 or 2am talking about life, God, relationships and loving yourself. It was THE BEST talk I have ever had in my entire life. I cherish it more than she’ll know, I learned from her hopefully as much as she learned from me, and I beam every time I think of her and her sister and who they are becoming!!!
So….there you have it. Way too much rattling without a plot or point really. Just thoughts to sum up 2011. I won’t bore you with resolution, cause I only have two…….1) Be even more awesome than I was in 2011 and 2) start a “happiness project” for myself (good book if you haven’t checked it out).
Here’s to more and better blogging in 2012! CHEERS!!