It’s time for the yearly Anti-V-Day rant. But first, let’s get some other things out of the way:
Life changes: I’ve recently applied and been considered for a Hero candidate for the show The Revolution on ABC daytime. I’m more excited about this opportunity than I could even put into words and haven’t wanted anything this bad since the night I heard my parents “doing it” as a kid and prayed my mom wouldn’t get preggers b/c we couldn’t afford another kid. I’ll spare you all the details and hit the high points. I’m in the process of submitting my second video to the casting team. I made the first one (super fun and eye opening) and they graciously allowed a second one to be turned in as well. It was super short notice, but I think that actually worked out better for me. It gave me less time to mess things up and over analyze like I normally do. I wanted the casting crew to hear from all my friends as well so I launched a Facebook campaign (www.facebook.com/fancypantsrevolution). I tell you all of that to tell you this: I’m realizing through this adventure that as badly as I want to be picked and make a difference in myself and hopefully in others too…….I have to accept that a revolution of me has to start with me. It doesn’t matter if I get picked (even though I think it would be awesome and I would be “contagious”….who doesn’t need a Fancy Pants Revolution?)……I can still start my own revolution. AND….in starting my own revolution, I can still influence others and have the support of many. I had no idea that people thought what they did about me when I read the Facebook page. I am inspired to “revolutionize” based on that alone. So……show or no show…..there is a Fancy Pants Revolution about to happen……stay tuned!!!!
See my tryout video here: http://youtu.be/WkXMHbqIi28
Commercials: J-lo, you now advertise for fiat, some speakers, and Venus razors….tone it down. Your mid-life crisis doesn’t have to be this way. You have the younger man, get a sports car and a nip/tuck or seven and call it done. You are quickly headed down the path of mimicking Paula Abdul. Don’t do it.
Grammys – since when do we idolize and praise someone who beats women??????? I could dedicate a whole blog to just this topic but I don’t have the energy tonight and am in a serious phase of “don’t want to do what everyone else is doing” right now….so since 5 out of the 6billion people on planet earth will be tweeting or Facebooking about it all (and since I’ve participated in those tweets way too much thus far)…..we are going to leave it at this: LL Cool J is still cool to me, there were only about three performances that I could tolerate, nobody should’ve had to watch it without DVR and the fast forward feature, and I still hate Taylor Swift for no real reason at all.
Aside from those Grammy thoughts…..ADELE IS AMAZING. I seriously think we would be great friends. Well, once I got past following her around like an elementary kid who is getting to sit at the cool high school kid’s table.
My life without auto correct: For some time now I have had numerous texts screwed up by auto correct. Correct spelling and grammar is very important to me. So, because the iphone thought that it knew what I was saying and misrepresenting that too often……..I turned the auto correct option off. Well guess what….my life hasn’t gotten any better without it. Still messing up words. I feel though, that auto correct errors are becoming so common that nobody even notices…..we just read and interpret almost without even thinking anymore. Are we really in that big of a hurry in life these days that we can’t do our own little form of spell check? What is this world coming to? Here are some that have affected me lately:
Freakin = foreskin
I’m Great = I’m Greasy (explain that to a guy you just started texting and are hoping to go out with)
I’m so pissed – I’m so pussed
And the ever annoying of changing Hell to He’ll
Guys: saying “Hey Suga what’s up?” as your opening message on a dating website is unacceptable. It’s not amusing unless you’re a southern, little old lady from Georgia.
Also, taking a picture of yourself in jeans, construction boots and no shirt….AT THE GYM working out puts you on a level that I can’t even describe. I want to know you just to see who actually is interested in going out with you. Sadly, in the other pictures the guys was cute aside from looking like he could be a complete douchelord.
Speaking of dating….stop looking for the “perfect” person. You’re not going to find them. Humans are going to disappoint. Become the right person first and walk in love. Take two of those and call me in the morning. 🙂 Understand that there is a certain kind of people that you find when you fish in certain kind of ponds……..it all starts with you.
The Bachelor show: please make this season go away ABC. Nobody is going to hate you if you just bow out now and say “yeah, you know what, we picked a lame dude, and it’s made for a lame season with some seriously crazy chicks….sorry America”……Although I have boycotted the season after reading the spoiler and learning he picks psycho Courtney, I still think there are many of my friends who are losing valuable brain cells by watching. They’re too far gone and they don’t even realize it.
Super Bowl: Even though overall I have no feelings either way about the Super Bowl, I feel like we should pay closer attention to what’s really going on here. I think we can all agree that the world is going downhill at an alarming rate. But I don’t think we are noticing that it’s happening right under our noses….not just overseas….but right here on our televisions. People are paying ridiculous amounts of money to advertise during a football game only for us watching to be seriously disappointed. When a brown M&M is dancing to the one of the most annoying songs on the planet…..we have a problem…and it needs to be addressed immediately (and I liked that commercial….but just that one and the Old Navy one….the others were nothing to write home about).
For the record, I don’t consider “The Holidays” to truly be over until the Super Bowl is over. My eating habits suck exponentially worse from Thanksgiving to Super Bowl.
Let me start by saying that I love “love”. I really do. I love being in love (even though it’s been a LONG TIME since I have been with a man). I am in love with my nieces, my friends, my job, my church and Sunday and even my adorable dog. I absolutely cannot wait for the day when I’m so in love with a guy that I make everyone around me want to puke just by being in our presence alone. I just don’t think you need a day to declare that. It should be love every single day. Getting away with sending me flowers and waiting for a table longer than usual at a restaurant on one particular today doesn’t amuse or impress me in the least. You want to impress me? Surprise me on a random day…..or show up at Aliciapalooza and confess your love…..that’ll get you on the board for sure!
I feel like retail went a little too far this year. Or maybe I just noticed it more than normal?
Helium balloons: what a waste of air space. Literally. You can walk into a certain retailer around here and there are at least 300 balloons tied to the front registers. Someone please tell me in the history of this ridiculous day, did anyone ever say, “get me a bouquet of balloons”
Children: I get it. It’s a reason to have a party. You decorate a cute box and exchange valentine’s cards. But Valentine’s are for lovers. Why do we feel the need to make sure kids get something every stinking year? Are you my valentine? Nope. You’re just already setting them up for failure. Little Susie is going to be really disappointed when all through elementary school, little Bobby gives her a card and treat…..and then grows up to be a complete d bag who forgets the holiday is even coming.
Cards: Since when do you need a loan from the bank to buy a dang card. Ok, obviously that’s a bit of an exaggeration…but not by much. Six dollars for a card???? Is that necessary? Nope. You know what happens? People like me snap a picture of it and send it saying “if I were going to buy a card, here is the one I would pick, isn’t it funny/cute/romantic?” I would rather have a post-it saying “I love you”, a candy bar and a Route 44 Dr Pepper from Sonic.
Email: This has been one of the most annoying things this year. Maybe I’ve noticed it more because I live in my email these days. I am not amused by retail emails telling me to “be my own valentine”……daily. Enough! I would never stoop to that level to buy or send myself something just so that I’m not the only one who isn’t getting anything on V-day. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t hint to a gay friend or two to send me flowers and act like it’s from juicy secret admirer…..but that’s totally different and way less pathetic…….right?
Television: we are of course surrounded by commercials screaming Valentine’s day…….but then the movies….ugh. Every love story ever made rotates through the channels. You can’t escape it.
Nail salons: Angela Johnson’s skit of the Asian nail salon ladies is not even remotely an exaggeration. It’s real life. And I lived it this weekend. The conversation went as follows:
Her: You want pink nail to match your pink toes
Me: No thanks, I like this purple color
Her: you husband, he rike da pink color
Me: oh I don’t have a husband
Her: Oh, you boyfriend, he rike
Me: nope, no boyfriend either
Her: oh, you divorce?
Me: yep, long time ago
Her: oh….hmm…you don’t want da pink….boys dey rike da pink
Me: no thanks, I’m all good with the purple
Her: oh ok…well you got couple days to find man before varentine’s day….maybe you will, maybe
I will be spending my Valentine’s day with my expectant friend, pizza and any kind of action flick I can find. And I will be happy.
O V E R IT!
Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to join www.facebook.com/fancypantsrevolution
P.S. Click below to see the video auditions I have turned in: