Cleaning out my head…..

When you have so much to say that you cant make a status out of it…..or you could but people would hate you for taking up their whole scroll screen….you blog.  Even though this whole revolution has been on hiatus….and the revolution itself is supposed to be aw inspiring us to be better women…….sometimes you just need to have a random chat with your girlfriends out there!  You know, like a pulse check just to see if the crazy randomness running around in your head is going on with anyone else.  so….here we go……

• I feel like i should buy a honda just to help Michael Bolton out.  These commercials of him standing on a Honda singing in a plaid scarf are wearing me out.  It just makes me sad for him.  How did we go to the greatness of “How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends” to this?

• Stop with the neon colored wrapping paper. That is not what christmas presents should be wrapped in.  I am trying to be ok with trees of crazy colors and decor, but nobody should go all “Lisa Frank” with the wrapping paper.

• Recently I went with a group of girls to get a massage.  There were 4 of us.  Three of them got girls for their appts…..I got a guy.  But not just any guy.  Oh no…..I got the blind guy.  After helping him to our room, he advises me to put my shoes at the end of the bed and lay face down and he will be back in shortly.  I put my shoes at the end of the bed, but apparently it was the wrong end causing him to stumble.  As if we weren’t off to a bad enough start, I also laid face up and when he thought he was starting my massage on my back…..we both quickly realized I was in the wrong position.  Even more sad is that he apparently knew not because i was freaked out that he was touching my breasts, but because they aren’t as firm as my back he said.  Thank you for rubbing it in that my back is firmer than my newly saggy boobs.  After a very awkward 50 minutes, that craziness was over and I was reunited with my girlfriends who had a wonderful experience and were way more relaxed than myself.

• Speaking of saggy boobs.  Out of all the aging that is going on in my body right now (wrinkles, gravity, smaller bladder, hot flashes, etc)…..the boob issue is by far the worse.  I’m not sure when my boobs went from firm to needing steel beams to hold them up but I am not a fan.  I used to not believe in plastic surgery but at this point, I’m not even sure where to start.  I know that I am definitely interested in a punch card program!

• The new cowgirl show. That one that follows these girls around to rodeos while they ride horses in bikinis?…..yeah, no.  stop.  I am not kidding when I say if these reality shows get much more stupid, I’m gonna start doing all those things as a big girl and videoing it.  It’s not real.  Girls don’t ride horses with rock bodies in bikinis.

• I really just wanna sit and talk to people. Whats a girl gotta do to get Barbara Walter’s position?  I have been caught up three times in the last week just coming across random people to talk to.  And they were all nice thankfully.  It makes my heart happy to hear people’s stories.

• I recently got the pleasure of being the emcee at my company Christmas party’s gift exchange. I may or may not have used it to my advantage to say inappropriate things just to watch my boss squirm. Below are some quotes as captured by Miles.

“Thats classy. Steal from the bosses wife.”
“You have a choice. Alcohol. Meat. Gift cards. @adelmore not rocket science”
“Its Baileys. Put it in your coffee and call it a day. Whats the problem? @adelmore #mc #quote”
“I assure you that just because your husband picked the bag that said “ho ho ho” he meant nothing towards you Mary”

• The more of these is see :)))))) The more i think of double chins. You arent smiling any bigger, you are just adding more chins

Well, do you feel as good as I do about getting all that out there? 🙂