I decided that after watching the awards last night, that should I ever make it to that stage, I could never thank all the necessary people in the incredibly small amount of time they give you. So, I will just randomly start calling out my thank you notations from time to time 🙂
See, I have a dream of standing on stage one day. Maybe not for an Oscar award. But to just talk to people. To use my voice to reach others. Either through comedy or tears :-). Today, I almost threw in the towel after getting my feelings hurt……..
This past weekend was filled with so much! I enjoyed a fabulous women’s conference with my mom that encouraged us as women to “remove our masks” that we wear. I signed up for a 21 day detox guided by a personal trainer that is sure to give me a new start physically. I was challenged to make the next 30 days different by promising to do a few things every day without fail. This was it. This was the set of tools I had been waiting for to start “anew”. I need this. I know, without a doubt, bigger things are going to happen to me this year than any other year before and this was where it would start. I was confident. I was excited. I was energized.
Then, I was attacked by the enemy. Almost immediately (I mean, he did give me a good 12 hours in my excitement before showing up). After someone close to me said some very hurtful things, I was knocked flat on my rear. All the things I had worked so hard to overcome in my self hate were now being said by someone else.
“Alicia, you need to focus less on you. You need to give more. You need to listen to what God is saying to you more closely”……and a host of other things that pierced my spirit. So, I let out an exhale. Silly me. Why would I think I could finally have all my ducks in a row and start something great.
I wasn’t going to start the detox
I wasn’t going to write
I wasn’t going to tell another soul one single thing about me because I don’t want to come across selfish and other stuff that was said.
But. That’s what the enemy wants. That what is needed for the enemy to win. For me to lie down. And it would be a pretty short way to his victory if I laid down after one attack. And what was said was so contradictory to what I knew. I was listening to God. I have been more than ever in my life. And you know what He has been saying? “Be still. Be kinder to yourself. Focus on you and what you need to deal with so that you can get to a place where I can use you according to my plan for you. Be still and quiet and truly focus on me and you until you reach the peace I have for you.” If I know that is what I am supposed to be doing (and I do know with all my heart), then ANYTHING that is brought to the contrary is simply from the enemy.
I think of so many that I know who have so much great to do and how easy it is to be defeated. But we cannot accept what others say about us so easily.
So…here I am anyway. Without my mask. Without any makeup even. With no spanx or contouring magic to make me look thinner…… I am going to write or say what I want. Sometimes it will be funny. Sometimes it will be random (ok most of the time it will be random). Sometimes it will be serious. But it will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be real. Period.
Have a great week!!!!!
Alicia Out Loud 