The Adele Hangover Explained

I cannot remember a time when I anticipated a human’s existence as much as I have the return of Adele.  I tried to prepare myself as much as possible.  I even entertained the thought of waiting til Saturday to download the album (psssh – puh-lease) just so that I could be completely and emotionally available to soak it up.  Instead, I downloaded at 12:34 in the morning, listened to it as many times as I could before I crashed at 2:30 a.m., wrote about it and now the only thing I am preparing for is the crash of the internet she is surely bringing with her today.

I am legitimately suffering from an Adele hangover.  And in an effort to help you navigate the emotional roller coaster you are about to go on when you hit play, I have given you a brief recap of each song.  It would be silly of you to think you were going to download and listen to only a couple of songs.  So you’ll need to be sure you read this going in.

Overall, I expected another sad album that would leave me in the deep pit of despair while drowning my candy cane flannel pajamas in my wine induced tears.  Instead, there were moments of “yeah, you can shove it mr ex…..” and hope, and acceptance of the life that was….and that I’m gonna be ok.

GLORY GLORY Adele.  You could not have done a better job.  I’m actually concerned about you as a person.  The attention you are about to get is going to be overwhelming.  I hope you don’t wear yourself out.

Without further delay, let’s get started.

1.  Hello – there isn’t much left to say about this one.  Unless you have been living under a rock, you have already heard this one and are clear on her message.  At this point, we should all have this one on our list of songs to belt out in the car.  I am hoping, if you are a seasoned Adele fan, that you have already worked through the emotion of this one.

2.  Send My Love (To Your New Lover) – IF I have to pick a favorite right this second, it’s this one. It’s just where I am at.  I’m hurt and a little angry at my ex.  He promised things and dragged me through empty promises and a few years of making me think I was asking too much or crazy for expecting to be treated like a decent human being worth someone’s effort (he didn’t even put effort into replying to the break up text).  He has already moved on with his new love who I’m sure is wonderful and making him the happiest person on the planet (so you can see where her line of “You set me free.  Send my love to your new lover.” has a ring to it for me).  I have dwelled on hearing about him do all the nice things he does to win someone over up front and how I wasn’t enough to make him keep loving me past that.  This song single handedly, in a matter of 3:43, got me over that.  I’m proud to say I’m now in the phase of, “have fun with that mess.  It will wear off and you’ll see the real him. And I’ll just be over here remembering that I am enough and I have great things ahead.”  Thank you Adele.  I will send you a check for the therapy and I’ll be singing the lines of “I’m giving you up. I’m forgiving it all.  You set me free.” allllllll day.

3.  I Miss You – I didn’t know I could miss someone right next to me.  But the next time I am actually with someone, this song will probably be all in my head and I will secretly be doing a video montage that has a “seize the moment” theme.  It will be a mix of the passion from the early days of Fitz and Olivia from Scandal, a flash image of that one time a guy and I made eyes at the airport that clearly said “we would be explosive together”, and the short imagination that I have the body of a Victoria Secret model walking across a semi-dark room in slow motion.

4.  When We Were Young – This song says “We had some good moments.  It was kinda like a storybook.  I wasn’t expecting to run into you.  I didn’t know I would feel this way when I saw you again.  So I need to tell you about it, if you have a sec.  But please don’t try to win me back. Let’s just have a quick moment and move along.”  This has the potential to make me really miss someone from way back when who, at the time, seemed like the greatest thing ever.  I could easily have a few drinks and be swayed into thinking they still might be that great………until his wife and 4 kids walk up and he says “get er done”………gotta be careful with this song! 🙂

5.  Remedy – I needed a break from my own love life. The songs were making me too raw.  So I chose to look at this as an ode to all my kick butt friends.  Maybe a little out there.  But I couldn’t take myself to imagining this song being played as a message to my groom standing at the end of the aisle waiting on me to walk down (side note – you can bet this will play at 9/10 weddings you attend in 2016).  But I could let myself think of all my “core people”.  Especially the ones in rough times right now.  I want to be the Remedy for them.  Cheesy? Maybe so.  But I love my tribe.  This song makes me happy to have them.

6.  Water Under the Bridge – Second favorite.  Sadly, also applicable to at least 5 of the past guys I’ve dated.  Instead of talking to my friend about how “they always drag me along, drop me, but then realize I wasn’t that bad after all, and come back around.” or “they just keep me hanging cause they can’t decide.”, I’m just gonna put this song on and wait.  This song will also be applied to my shower dance routine.  It just has a good beat and I have killer hip moves in my shower concerts. It just seems natural to incorporate.

7.  River Lea – For every person who tries to tell me how to live my love life, this song is for you…..well, the first couple of lines are anyway.  The rest of them are for every dating situation that I sabotage before they even have a chance to turn into something good.  It’s an apology before we even get started.  Because of who I am, I will probably leave.  But it’s ok.  I’m ok.  And you will be too.

8. Love in the Dark – At first, I thought Adele was relating to every girl who has despised being naked in front of a man in the light.  But then, I realized, that once again, she must have followed my most recent ex and I around.  She puts a simple “We have to be done here.” to beautiful music.  At least in the song, when she is being brave and trying to leave on the best note as possible, she gives the hint that the guy doesn’t want her to and tries to make her stay for 5 seconds.  I can’t say the same for my situation.  But thanks to her, it’s makes me think it’s ok.  We’ll move on.  We’ll live our different adventures and be better for it.  But, for the record, I still don’t want to be naked in the light in front of anyone.  Ever.

9.  Million Years Ago – Regret.  Loneliness.  Longing.  Only listen to this one if you can sit in front of a window, looking into a field, reminisce on your past journey and then shake it off.  It will be too easy to listen to this one and get stuck.  Don’t do it.  Fight it.  This song is the only permission you have to do something crazy immediately following. Book a skydiving adventure.  Write a book real quick……do something.  Anything.  Hurry before you dwell so hard on what you never did that you never come out of it!

10.  All I Ask – You all just thought she was going to address exes in this new album. Nope. She throat punches you with taking friends to the next level too. Get out of my head, lady. I will not conspire with you! This song will tempt you to confront someone you “think” you might have more feelings for.  Don’t do it.  Don’t leave your heart at their door and ask them to hold you like they are more than friends.  This can’t work out well for anyone.  We’re all scared that we might not love again, Adele.

See, she gives us a happy ending.

And this is why it should’ve been perfectly acceptable to call in to work with an Adele hangover today.  We should also just cancel all awards shows next year and throw one big Adele award party.

The End.