It’s Here: The Great Dating Hiatus

Things that have prompted the great dating hiatus (effective immediately):

It’s a jungle out there kids. And I’m fresh out of safari outfits. I’m gonna need y’all to straighten way the heck up by the time I decide to jump back in :p

I joke about dating a lot. And you def have to have thick skin for it these days. But the truth is, unless you’re walking it, you just don’t get how “special” it is…..no worries though, I have captured some of the more recent events, just to give you a taste 🙂

(No lectures and inspirational “you’ll find it when you least expect it”, please. I’m fine. This is mostly funny. Settle down). I realize some of you will wonder how you will fill your time, if I don’t have a crazy dating story.  No worries, there are plenty of old ones that still need to be told!

• Exhibit A: One of the best 1st dates I have had….with him asking me on a second date and actually physically calling several times…..only to ghost me and “match” with my friends (ghosted count currently sitting at about 3,289). This one actually stings a bit (as much as I hate to admit it….I actually really liked him and feel really weird that I misread him so badly)……..
• • And to further update from when I first started typing this draft, not only did he hit on a friend (he doesn’t know we are connected), but he also asked her for a full body pic.  And when she sent him THE CUTEST pic of her (she really is super adorable, y’all)……he says…and I quote….”I think I’ll pass. Good luck, doll face”.  He later text me letting me know that he had a lunch time rendezvous with someone who reminded him of me because she was “thick and yummy” and he couldn’t wait to put me on the list……um no. My response “yeah, call me in 20 years when your daughter is crying to you about being someone’s sloppy seconds”
  • Update again: Ran into him at the pumpkin patch….he acted like he didn’t know me……..I didn’t show out.  Progress 🙂
• Exhibit B: A guy friend asking for dating advice and “how to word his profile to ask for full body shots, so he doesn’t end up on a date with a fatty”…without sounding shallow, after he felt like he was deceived on a date by her “creative photography”.  I couldn’t believe what I was reading and that he would say that to me, of all people, a big girl who is in the dating realm.  But he did. Pics attached for reference.  It should also be noted that he is more than willing to ignore warnings about a certifiable crazy…because, ya know…she’s hot. I wish this was fake. But it’s not. And I still haven’t decided how to respond to the last text, because it certainly isn’t a joke.
• • Update:  Never responded to that text.  I don’t have it in me for that battle or to even try to rehab someone who isn’t changeable. Again.  Progress 🙂 And, guess what boys? Big girls don’t care if you don’t like them.  We REALLY REALLY REALLY don’t.  You like what you like and we don’t like a$$hats.  It’s fine.  Just move along.  But you do not get to be a jerk about it.  You being scared to date a big girl says WAY MORE about you than it does her…….trust me.
• Exhibit C: A previous date situation (and admittedly a huge weakness for me), who came back around and wanted to be friends bc “ricia, you’re awesome and I know I’m not good at dating”….and offered to help with some things around the house. Except on the day he was supposed to show up, he faked a rib injury. How do I know he faked it? Bc he asked one of my friends that he swiped on, out for a beer….and didn’t know she was my friend.
• • Update: He is still a jerk (ok, I don’t know that for sure, but I assume and I’m still too pissed to believe otherwise) and we haven’t talked in months.  Progress.
• Exhibit D: A guy that I had an “eh” first date with (he peed 7 times on our date and didn’t know who Patti Lebelle was…..don’t act like I’m not supposed to wonder about that), convinced me (Ok, he and the internet voting I let y’all do convinced me) to go on a second date.  He asks if we can reschedule the date to another day because he has a game to go to (He is a coach).  Sure.  I’m flexible.  No biggie.  And then I show up for drinks with friends at our local hangout and he is at the same place……..on a date……….Guess that explains why he had so many questions about all the locations I would be at for the evening.  His date also cried in the bathroom, so there’s that.
• Exhibit E: Started talking to a guy, did some “internet research” on him….turns out he openly likes Nickelback – can’t even make a first date happen for this one 😛 (i kid, i kid)
• Exhibit F: Channing Tatum not being available
• Exhibit G: Guys who post naked pics of themselves as their profile pic.  If that’s what this has come to, just hand me the cats and the old shoe now.  I can’t.  Go ahead, if you don’t know about this, ask a single friend how many unsolicited pics they get on the regular.  Key word: unsolicited
  • This could also be grouped with guys who aren’t actually single.  They are a dime a dozen and it’s tragic how numb you become to it and how it’s not even a surprise anymore.  It’s also tragic at how easy it is to figure it out and they try to pass it off anyway (ask me about the married preacher story)
• Exhibit H: Guys who linger in the background of your Facebook and only pop up when they see opportunity or are on the prowl for whatever mood their in……..only to never actually follow through on anything.
• Exhibit I: I’m not equipped to handle the dating scene where everyone is talking to multiple people.  We, as humans were not built to know this many people and have this many options.  We just weren’t.  And being a girl who compares myself to the 72 single girls added to a guy’s FB friend’s list daily, is NOT who I want to be.  I can’t become her, because she is a destructive human and I have worked too hard to avoid being that.
• Exhibit J: My trust issues run deep.  There has never been a secret in that.  I struggle with it daily and actively work on it daily.  The worst is when you are raw about that with someone and feel like you are dealing with it as best as you can, in a safe space…..only for it to be turned on you to take blame off of them, so they can avoid taking ownership of their own actions (or lack thereof).  But with all that on me….I will NEVER allow myself to be ashamed or think I’m unworthy.
• Exhibit K: Poor decisions on my part in general, made out of fear and loneliness, that only left me empty and back at square one.  Those have to stop.  And the only way to address them is to get to the core, without distraction.  I’m so far from perfect that perfect isn’t even in the same hemisphere as me.  But mistakes don’t make me unworthy or “unfixable”.  If you’re reading this, you have to believe that too!

Lots of progress was made in the dating arena this year (despite the above).  Walls were let down that I didn’t know would ever come down…..and I’m actively fighting to leave them down, instead of building them taller.  I won’t ever hate that 🙂

There is still hope.  I have more than ever to offer the right relationship….and I can’t wait to find it! But for now, my heart needs a little break.  And that’s ok! I’m excited to do a little more work on myself and blaze a new trail 🙂

How long will the hiatus last? Who knows!  Until I feel like my heart is ready and someone convinces me that they are worth my effort, I suppose.  Or maybe if it’s an actual organic connection (through mutual friends, etc) and comes about more naturally than Panther5000 with his airbrushed pics and mullet, from the internet  😛

What can you do if you have a single friend who is struggling in dating:

Nothing.  Just be present.  Please don’t try to tell us what you think from the chair of your marriage or relationship.  Dating is hard.  Single streets are hard.  Things that you think couldn’t possibly happen, actually happen regularly.  So, just pour them a shot…..try to help them from doing completely crazy crap 🙂 and love them through it.